And then there were two.

Friday morning I had a bunch of posts all typed up leading up to what should have been our "Surprise! We're pregnant!" post I was planning on posting in just a few weeks once we had an ultrasound phot confirming how many little bumblebees we were hiding. Instead., you get this post. We were pregnant. And now we're not. I got a call Friday from the doctor that there were pregnancy hormones in my body, but they were so low that we had either already lost the pregnancy or would soon. I got the call while I was at work, and I didn't have the guts to ask my boss (who swears that I am always asking to leave early on Fridays)  if I could leave because I didn't want to explain myself. By the time I made it to the car I had gone into full ugly cry mode. We told people on a need to know basis, so if we didn't tell you, I'm sorry. It was so incredibly hard to call even my parents.  Telling Jason was the hardest.  We spent the weekend telling those few who knew we had already done IVF about the failure. Our kind doctor has discussed new ideas with us but we still have to pay off the rest of the bills from the  trip and the extra expenses it caused. I wrote down the entire experience so I could share it with all of you. I promise I will post it all soon, but for now it is all too real. I had a glimmer of hope that maybe our bloodwork had been mixed up and perhaps we were still pregnant since I was now 4 days late. Until AF showed this morning- for lack of a better term. I could barely get through teaching my Sunday School lesson (about the Atonement no less) before the cramping started. I skipped third hour of class to run to the store for an emergency "party favor" purchase (aka tampons and pads) and by the time I came back to get Jason I was curled in the fetal position on the seat begging to take me home. Our doctor has given us another chance for somewhere down the road, but emotionally and monitarily we won't be doing anything for at least a few months. For those of you who supported our journey- thank you. I had no idea how loved we really were until we started this... And there are no words I have to express our gratitude. Please don't ask to talk about it- I can't really handle it right now. You can text me and I will answer but face to face discussion gives me huge anxiety. We went to my in laws' last night and it took a 5 minute crying anxiety sessions before I could even go inside. I will let the other posts give you the details of how and when and what took place. For now, I leave you with a photo of our three perfect little bumblebees who are now watching us from heaven. When we were told that the third one wouldn't survive the freeze we asked the doctor to go ahead and put it in too. Otherwise it would have been "disposed of" and that wasn't a thought I could handle. So our sweet little bumblebees, we love you with all our hearts and now you're our sweet angels to watch over us until we meet again.