May You Stay in the Arms of the Angels

This is going to come across as very cliche, but when I hear songs they often trigger certain moments in a memory. Songs, music in general, are a huge part of my life. They can change my emotions and thoughts with a few notes. They can bring an almost trance-like state to me wherever I'm at and whatever I'm doing. I've always loved to read but its the music that can take me away when even a book fails to distract me.

Jason and I have watched Sons of Anarchy together since we were first married. My good friend Kellen who passed away years ago used to watch it all the time and so by watching it with Jason it was a good way to remember him. It's gruesome, raunchy and at times more than I can handle. I've skipped a few episodes that were too much to watch. To his credit, the writer and director Kurt Sutter has an amazing talent with putting the perfect musical interludes in every episode. A few weeks ago he had one of the main characters, played by Maggie Siff, sing a lullaby to her sons. After this week's episode it took on even more meaning. She sang the song herself (no voiceovers here!) and it is an original work just for the show. I can't stop listening to the lyrics over and over again. They make my heart ache... because I can't wait to sing them to my own boys someday. Crazy alert... I may have already been singing it to my empty womb.

Lullaby for a Soldier (Arms of the Angels)- by Dillon O'Brian

May your dreams bring you peace in the darkness.

May you always rise over the rain.

May the light from above only lead you to love.

May you stay in the arms of the angels.

May you always be brave in the shadow,

til’ the sun shines upon you again.

Hear this prayer in my heart that we’ll ne’er be apart-

may you stay in the arms of the angels.

May you hear every song in the forest.

And if ever you lose your own way,

hear my voice like a breeze whisper soft through the trees.

May you stay in the arms of the angels.

May you grow up to stand as a man, love,

with the pride of your family and name.

When you lay down your head for to rest in your bed

may you stay in the arms of the angels.

Nothing new to report, bordering on insanity with the depression and anxiety over "not trying" or rather for me, trying not to try and not to care that I'm not trying. Let's me honest... I'm a mess. I need a little hope, and three different doctors with no answers isn't doing anything for me.