Peace on Earth

On the eve of the eve of the New Year here I sit reflecting on the past twelve months. In truth, the extra time to think provided by slow days at work and time off has been both a blessing and a curse.

This year has been the hardest year of my life to date. Note to God: that was not a challenge or an invitation to one-up this year. I have learned and grown a lot, but at the same time I have been broken and beaten and defeated. Despite three more doctors, another surgery and a million vials of blood we are still "unexplained" and still not pregnant. In three days I will be meeting with a new RE in hopes that he can give us some insight and direction as to what will/should happen next. I would never in a million years have thought we would be gearing up for an IUI cycle or possibly be facing IVF. I thought we'd take a pill and voila! be pregnant! All that being said, I wouldn't trade this year for anything. I have developed friendships and met people that I would never have otherwise met and they have built me up and supported me through all of this. I love all my friends that I have gained through this struggle!!! It has been a year of watching people take breaks and gain babies and deal with losses and heartache and we have all been there for the happiness and sadness for each other.

Here's hoping 2014 is our year ladies!!!! I am so excited to meet all the little ones that are already on their way here!!

I wanted to share a special little experience that happened to me yesterday. Any time a baby is born it is part of our religion that he or she is brought to church and given a name and a blessing in front of the entire congregation. Think of it as a welcoming into the world. Its similar to a Christening in other religions. Yesterday was the blessing day for our friends' baby. We had been invited to come and between the holidays and Jason and I having been sick the previous week and waiting for AF to come I was feeling incredibly emotional. When I married Jason I also got to take on his circle of friends. I've grown incredibly close to one amazing lady in particular who has gone through much of the IF stuff also (Zoey is the final result, their beautiful third baby). When all the Priesthood holders in their family stood up and Jason's friend beckoned him to also join in I got a little teary at the love we have for them and vice versa. I wasn't jealous, but I was hopeful that perhaps the next blessing we would attend would be our own baby's blessing. As they gathered around the sweet princess in her gorgeous white dress I marveled at the love and adoration in her daddy's eyes. After the blessing Jason came back and sat down and I could see the longing for his own sweet baby in his eyes. The sacrament meeting finished and we went to our friends' house for lunch to celebrate. The whole ride there I kept wondering if we should even go- we'd be the only non-family there and it might get weird. I asked Jason if we could just go home and he gently reminded me that we need to support them and be there, especially since we joke that we are the extra spouse for each of the couple. When we got there I hung out with my friend and told her of our upcoming doctor visit and we giggled at a few funny things. We got our lunch and I went and sat on their staircase behind Jason. I had been praying for Father to please give me some comfort and peace all week. As I sat down my friend's two year old son came up and set his drink and plate down right beside me and was glued to my side the rest of the time we were there. His whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents) were there and he chose me to sit by. I *may* have had a fear thankful tears later that day. I knew I was heard, I knew I was loved. I knew that God had enlisted the help of one of His little princes on earth to bring me peace.

I leave you all with my testimony that in our darkest moments, in our lowest lows, our Savior and Father in Heaven will bring us back to the light and up to our highest highs. This song is one of my favorite Christmas songs...

Peace on Earth to Me, by Cherie Call

Baby Jesus sleeping in His mother Mary’s arms 

Hear the beating of His gifted infant heart

Feel the majesty of what He came to be

This is peace on earth; this is peace on earth to me

See the beauty of the children He adores

Feel Him hold you when you stand at sorrow’s door

Hear Him whispering what He knows you’ll be

This is peace on earth; this is peace on earth to me

I’m not saying that we don’t have a long ways to go

To worldwide brotherhood that binds us here below

But look at all the heaven here that hints at what’s above

Look at all the simple things we change with love

Feel the smile that comes when a good friend thinks to call

Hear “I love you” when it echoes in your halls

And wonder just how much more blessed your life could be

This is peace on earth; this is peace on earth to me