Slacker

Sorry it has been so long! They have informed us at work that we are no longer allowed to surf the net, catch up on blogs, or do anything personal. I have a laptop and a desktop at home, but when the wifely duties of dinner making and laundry call, I must answer! Haha Let's see... the polypectomy went great! Jason and I even had the chance to use our free day together to go the the Temple. I hadn't had the opportunity to spend much time there lately and it had been months since we'd been able to go together. It was beautiful, and I felt at peace. Our doctor, who I adore, came out after surgery and gave my mom and I the details (Jason had to work). I did, in fact, have polyps. So many that they were basically lining my entire uterus and no wonder we haven't gotten pregnant- there was no where for the baby to implant and grow. She removed them all, and gave us a strict warning that our best window is the next few months to try. We are going to do a trigger shot this month to at least ensure that I drop an egg. I will be in Utah at Education Week with my mom, grandma and aunts for the next week, which I lovingly refer to as shark week. Jason is a lucky man.

Seems fitting don't you think? He gets to miss all the grossness and then see me again just as it is going away. He gets to miss the psychosis and the cravings and the other fun symptoms. Jerk. haha JK JK.

If we get a BFN this next month we will go on to do IUI next month. I REALLY don't want to do IUI because it means lots of shots and lots of drugs and putting my body through a lot more than I planned on, but I didn't plan on this journey to begin with and so we will be doing a lot of praying and fasting and waiting for the answers to our questions.

One of my friends sent me a link to an infertility "survival" guide. I have been thinking a lot about how with all this modern medicine and the tools we have it completely baffles me that so many of us are still waiting, and many for much longer than I have, for our miracle. Some will never get their miracle baby, others will adopt or foster. Some choose to live child free when they have exhausted their efforts to become parents, to those I say congratulations on making the decision that is right for you. Jason and I have a plan in place that after a certain number of years we will be living that way too. This journey, which makes us all so strong, also breaks us down. We can only take so much disappointment and sorrow. We can only take so much before we break. Before we surrender and accept that we need a change. I know that it will not be easy, but if it is where we end up, it will be better than a lifetime of "maybe this times." I am thankful to the author of the website because she talks about infertility in the Bible and how it was either overcome or accepted. These women of such faith and courage... I am in awe of their willingness to submit to the Lord's will.

"If infertility is hard to endure in the 21^st century, think how helpless an infertile woman felt when the nearest fertility clinic was 2,000-6,000 years down the road. The chief value of a woman in biblical times was first her chastity and, after marriage, her reproductivity."

from here

Even today we feel that we are broken, worthless and useless if we cannot conceive. How must these women must have felt went they didn't have any answers, or anyone to help? How dare I complain about the side effects of the fertility drugs because I am thankful to have them. I am so thankful to be able to look up to these women of God and follow their footsteps.