I can't help but wonder if our ttc journey is finally going to come to an end soon. Thank you technology, my phone just let me know that our medications are on the truck for delivery and should be here within the next few hours. Once we have them we are free to start our IVF cycle here in the next few months. This blows my mind when I consider how many times our journey has felt hopeless and unconquerable. As hard as it has been, I don't think I would change it. No matter what happens, we have done all we can do.
It's finally quiet at work again, I started writing at 9am this morning and now it's almost 1pm. I feel so calm and peaceful, which is odd because I'm neither unstressed or medicated at the moment. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. I don't know if this will bring us to parenthood or if there is another path we will take in our journey.
Last night I couldn't sleep, and I used the time to catch up on one of my new favorite shows- Call the Midwife. (Thank you Kelsie O for telling me about it, now I can't stop watching!) There's a bit of a love story involved at some points and as I lay there pondering life at 2am (because that is a perfect time to do so) I couldn't help but feel
lucky blessed. Jason was sick and thanks to some Nyquil and a touch of the sniffles he was snoring like a chainsaw. Tank, afflicted with a bee sting because she is a weirdo and likes to eat them, snored almost as loud with her large and swollen snout.
I was a little bummed that
I ran out of episodes to watch I couldn't sleep, but I wasn't mad about the noise. The waiting and stress has made me overly emotional and sentimental and I was reminded of a story I'd heard once about four ladies in church. There were two younger ladies having a bash fest with one another about their husbands. The one complained that she haaaaated that her husband was constantly leaving his dirty socks around the house. Her friend agreed that dirty socks were also a problem in her home too. Why couldn't their lazy husbands just pick up their darn socks?!? The two elderly ladies behind them were listening to the discussing, both having been widowed for a very long time. One of the women turned to the other and said "You know... I would give anything to have to pick up my husband's socks again." The story always makes me think (and last night I cried)- am I doing enough? I mean, I'm a wreck probably 50% of the time Jason is around. I hope that he doesn't feel like he has to "pick up my socks" all the time. He's so good to me, I must have been awesome in the premortal life to deserve him because I sure don't in this life!! This trial has brought us so close, and we were close before. But really, I'm thankful. I'm thankful to have him. I'm thankful for our families and our friends who have come out of the woodwork and at full speed ahead to support us in this exciting time. I'm thankful for Tank who lets me snuggle her every morning. I'm thankful for the upcoming "socks" of shots, side effects and procedures. I can't wait to be thankful for morning sickness and cankles. Bees, however, I will never be thankful for. Seriously Tank, quit eating bees. Three times is more than enough.
PS: Our baby in a box was delivered this morning. We are officially ready to go when the time comes. Who wants to hold my hand for the shots???
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